WELCOME TO LOCKED UP
I kept getting locked up. But not for too long… wait. What am I saying? I spent two years locked up in Georgia. Anyway- I’ve been to like a million small jails in a billion tiny towns and I’m probably the only drug dealer that NEVER went to jail for dealing drugs BUT DID go to jail for speeding. Yeah… this is all in my book, but here… Indulge yourself for a moment and live in my life. I’m willing to bet you can relate somewhere along the lines in these stories.
She Offered Me Mushrooms.
t was New Years Eve. I had been on the Amtrak for approximately 124 hours. I was somewhere in Kansas I think. That’s when I realized there was a party goin on in the observation car. So I got up outta my seat and left the kid that I was sittin next...
Threesome
Okay here's a fun story about a threesome. I was 25, she was 18. It was the SKIT SKAT Awards SHOW... a comedy festival I had produced in NYC. This was the night of the awards show where we recognized all the great sketches.. but for me... it was a different night. I...
Ex-Girlfriend
Aright so I'm goin to the Bourgeois Pig in a minute to meet my ex-girlfriend and even tho it was like eight years ago that we dated it still is nevertheless my ex-girlfriend. And I gotta say... I still really wanna fuck her. And I'm not going into this teatime...
RUNAWAY TEEN, PART I
Flower picked up. GREGGY!!!!! I couldn’t believe my ears. FLOWER!!!! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? WHERE’D YOU GO?!?! I’m so sorry Greggy they made me leave and I went to Switzerland and then I ran away with Kiki and then we got tickets to come back here and I’m...
Jailbait Gypsy
So I go to the bourgeois pig, that's my spot, to write my book, or edit it, rather, for the fifth time so that I can finally fucking finish this shit that I've been working on for five years... and so I walk into the cafe and say hi to the barista dude that's my...
Today I Was Bored So
So I just photoshopped my latest parking ticket and rearranged some of the letters and numbers to make it an official unofficial "How Do You Like YOUR Scrambled Gregs" parking ticket and I'm currently at Staples on Sunset and Wilcox after I ordered a hundred pages,...
PROSTITUTE
FLOWER'S STORY PART 2: THE MOST COVETED ESCORT IN RHODE ISLAND It had been weeks since I'd seen Flower. I was living with Lucy, the ivy-league chick that went to Brown University that thought I was turning nineteen when in fact I was turning seventeen-- that story is...
I Fell In Love With A Stripper In Reno But Ended Up In Jail In El Paso
Yes Mom, I Fell in Love With A Stripper Here's a short and twisted story about how I fell in love with a stripper in Reno. I was 25 years old and had to forget about what just happened. I called up my friend Ryan and asked him if he knew how to use a camera. "A...
Runaway Teen Part III – The Girl With Dreadie Hair
READ PART I READ PART II The bus pulled onto a dark street at midnight, but Flower was NOWHERE to be seen. The Greyhound station was closed. I sat on a deserted street in downtown Providence. No clue what to do. I had nowhere to sleep, I had no direction, I...
Little Room For Error – Runaway Teen Part II
I had to get 23 bucks for the bus ticket to providence I was tellin you about yesterday. CUT TO Dinner table. Hey mom? Marks wants to take me to Benihana tomorrow for a late lunch after he gets off work before my visitation is over. Is it cool if I...