Scrambled Gregs: Funny Short Stories About Life

I write about my life. Some people like that shit. My question to you… Do you ever get REALLY fuckin bored? Great news. I made a welcome kit thingy for ya. It’ll soothe your soul.

Most Recent Posts

These are the most recent posts, but you may wanna scroll a bit further down to view all the genres. Sometimes I go on a binge about how to do shit and only write about that for a month, then other times I only write about sex or illegal activities. Sometimes I write about being sober. I write about all sortsa shit so the point of this blurb is to let you know that while the most recent posts are the most recent, they in no way reflect what this site has to offer. This site is a mish-mash of enormous proportions. So, pick and choose as you will…

Blood Everywhere

At 7:30AM I was a bloody fuckin mess. Started out such a good day too. Woke up still tan from Mexico. Still buzzing from good sex. Ready to jack that weight back from all the tacos and shit we’d eaten the week in Tulum. Kept my pajamas on as I went to the guest room...

How to Land Your Dream Travel Writing Job

My Secret Method for Getting Travel Writing JObs... Estimated reading time: 14 minutes Ready to learn some shit? WHAT IS TRAVEL WRITING AND HOW DO I MAKE MONEY DOING IT? Here’s how to become a travel writer… but first, ready for myth dispelling? Travel writing doesn’t...

How to Write Memoir

How to Start a memoir Estimated reading time: 7 minutes Writing a memoir is like jerking off your thoughts. It’s so fuckin relaxing to let out all those sentences thatta been bangin into each other inside your head and clanging against your memory...

How to Get Your Shit Together

Estimated reading time: 8 minutes Ready? I got some shit to dish out. Eat it if it tastes good. Spew it out if it makes you gag. I have an idea for how to get your shit together. Well I’ll just tell you how I got my shit together first cause in reality I don’t know...

What is Crypto?

Estimated reading time: 7 minutes If you have no idea what crypto is, I made this for you. What is Crypto? A blithering moron’s guide to crypto... Look, I’m no cryptographer, MIT professor, or expert on technology. I know nothing. But after reading ten million...

The Secret to Self-Improvement

Estimated reading time: 10 minutes Self-Improvement For Vagabonds If you haven’t read Vagabond Secret 3: HOW TO MAKE THE MOST OF YOUR TIME WHILE TRAVELING, do that shit now. It all started one day when I was living in Los Angeles feeling shitty about life and not sure...

How to make the most of your time While Traveling

Estimated reading time: 9 minutes PLAN YOUR OWN ITINERARY BY KEEPING IT SIMPLE. If you haven't read Vagabond Secret 2: How to Conquer Travel Anxiety, do that shit now. Find one thing you want to do more than anything and make sure it gets done: this is called your...

How to Conquer Travel Anxiety

Estimated reading time: 8 minutes The Secret to Conquering Travel Anxiety is to GET EXCITED If you haven't read Vagabond Secret 1: How to Quickly Leap to Your First Adventure, do that shit now. After buying a plane ticket, you might be buying new swimsuits or reading...

How to Quickly Leap to Your First Adventure

Estimated reading time: 9 minutes BUY YOUR FLIGHT RIGHT AWAY If you haven't read the intro: how to travel without time or money, read that shit first... After Spain I caught the travel bug and couldn’t shake it. On my last day in Barcelona, I was laying in my bed when...

Traveling Without Time or Money

Estimated reading time: 11 minutes How to travel without time or money Have you read Self-Administered Travel Therapy yet? That might be a helpful starting point. Then, come back to this post. It was 2017 and I had just gone through a breakup. I was devastated and to...

The Drifter Chronicles

This is my three-volume memoir about my fucked up life and how I managed to salvage my future. Rated R. Completely profane. Limited plot. Reader beware. Only buy if you can stomach a sad tale told with teenage angst and a tinge of dark humor.

The Drifter Chronicles. Vol. 1: No Direction Home

Buy Vol. 1 on Amazon…

The Drifter Chronicles Volume 2- Debauchery

Buy Vol. 2 on Amazon…

The Drifter Chronicles, Vol. 3: The Final Debacle

Buy Vol. 3 on Amazon…

Think Amazon can go fuck itself? Well, that’s why you can buy directly from me at The Scrambled Gregs Store…

Blog Posts & Short Stories

I write about all sortsa shit: travel, sex, insecurity, public humiliation, childhood trauma, illegal shit I’ve done in the past, getting sober, and interesting encounters with inspiring (or damaging) people in unlikely circumstances. You can choose your own adventure below by genre.

Dirty Sex Stories

I love sex and I love writing about it. Some of the sexual experiences I’ve had were totally inappropriate, while others were absolutely called for. Sometimes I’m a dick, sometimes I get dicked (not literally). Anyway, if you’re horny and want something to rev your ovaries, check out some of these stories…

Dirty Sex Stories

Crazy-Ass Relationships

Moving on to some crazy-ass relationships… many of these stories are incredibly twisted. I would go so far as to say there’s some pretty fucked up shit in this category… but nevertheless, sometimes unhealthy relationships form and ya just gotta eat ’em up. If you wanna read some raw shit, feast up.

man feeling sad after cheating

Fucked Up Shit

Yo some shit is just really fucked up, and there’s no other way to describe these stories than simply being about: fucked up shit. So, if you wanna read some disturbing tales of my youth, early adolescence, and even a couple things I did yesterday, just read on…

fucked up shit

Being Homeless

Yeah so I was a sixteen-year-old homeless hippie vagabond fuck when I was younger and that’s where a lot of foundation was laid… So, if you wanna know what it’s like digging through the trash to get a Whopper on 9/11 when you’re an (ex)vegetarian beatnik, these stories are for you…

homeless teen sleeping on a bench


Did I mention I have the Guinness World Record for longest road trip? That’s a humble-not-so-humble brag. Yeah, but before I was a world-famous roadtripper I was hitchhiking the country, hopping Greyhound buses, and squatting at hostels all over. Here are some crazy travel stories for ya…

travel stories

Illegal Activities

So uhh… Yeah, I mean, I’m totally legit now… but there was a time when no rules were followed and I had to do what was necessary. Whatever. It was fun I guess, till it got seriously bad…

illegal activities stories

Life Questions

I know what you’re thinking. You wanna know the meaning of life. Well, that’s good, cause I’ve come up with an answer for you… The meaning of life is to massage the souls of as many strangers as possible. Thus, this section of blog posts, made to massage your soul, today.

man drinking tea


Wanna know how to vagabond the world and sleep with strangers in hostel bathrooms while still making sure you visit old town Toledo before you leave Spain? Well, that’s what this section is all about: how to vagabond (not travel), how to experience (not vacation).

Plan an Adventure


Some posts are for everyone, and some posts are for the hungry-as-fuck. If you’d like to go a bit deeper and read shit that’s not just entertaining, but might actually change your mood, give you some insight, or help you feel less alone, this is where you belong.

How to accomplish your life goal in 24 hours

Estimated reading time: 7 minutes Here’s how to do a ToN really quickly… First thing to do is make a list of all the goals you want to accomplish this year. For instance, one of my goals for 2021 was to get a literary agent.  Then ask yourself what would have to happen in order […]

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Definitely Be a Jack of All Trades

Estimated reading time: 6 minutes Here’s Why You Should Definitely be a jack of all trades. There’s no time to do shit you hate.  That’s why listening to your curiosity is so important. It’s a way to always keep the fire burning. If you’re in a hole, curiosity is your best shovel. Whatever you’re curious […]

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How to Vibe With People You Don’t Vibe With

Ever gone out with someone you don’t like? First date, maybe you met online or wherever, you sit down at some beer garden, and the girl asks you what you want to drink? I’m sober, you reply. Oh, that’s fun, she says back. Okay, five minutes into the date and now this… where do you […]

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You’re Not So Great At Anything, But That’s Okay.

Know what you’re GREAT AT? Probably nothing. Good news is it doesn’t matter. Other good news is when you do shit you enjoy, you’re prob not terrible at it. Nobody enjoys shit they suck at. And if you stop liking whatever you’re doing, it’s a wrap. And that’s that.   Your talent may not exist. Talent […]

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Why telling the truth is so hard

The other day I was checking my Facebook ads, making sure nobody had posted some absurd comment telling me why I was a total piece of shit and how “they were expecting so much more” from me, and how my books read “like they were for an adolescent but with such filthy language, not even […]

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Why My Life Got So Bad

When I was three years old or so, my head began shaking uncontrollably. We were on a cruise and my parents took one look at me in my stroller and freaked out. I couldn’t stop shaking. Head swinging back and forth, I knew from that day forward there was something wrong with me. No idea […]

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Patience is Not A Virtue

Estimated reading time: 7 minutes If I have an impulse to do something I’ve always wanted to do, I see it through. Sounds ridiculous, does it not? I’m sure you can poke holes in that, but… Well, hear me out. And this is not worldly advice–I have none of that. This is simply what I’ve […]

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How It All Started

This blog is based off of many fucked up experiences, some pretty, some not so nice. But if you wanna know how it all started, try reading Chapter Zero below…

CHAPTER ZERO: Welcome To Hidden Lake Academy

We drove Northeast from the Atlanta airport and were now somewhere in the barren Appalachian Mountains. I sat in the front seat of a red pickup truck, crammed in between two scary hick private investigators with a gun rack and rifle mounted to the rear window. I had...

CHAPTER ONE: Legendary Loser

It was the first day of middle school. The hallway crowded with hostile sixth graders, half from East Hills Elementary School, and the rest from Harbor Hill Elementary School. The two schools had always remained divided until today. For the first time, we were...

CHAPTER TWO: Overnight Success

I was standing in the parking lot where all the buses picked us up after school one day. It was the beginning of the school year in eighth grade and my social status was the same, if not worse. I was the loser sidekick to the two other losers that were slightly less...


Here it was, stardom, popularity, fame, power.  I considered myself lucky to have known the darkness so well before tasting the light.  It was a new day, a Friday, the most wonderful Friday I had ever met.  Pre-Olivia life was already a distant memory,...

CHAPTER FOUR: They Found Out I Was A Jew

From the day I showed up to the humid, bug-filled air of Opelousas, Louisiana for rehab number two, the ‘Jew’ jokes had flown across the room like a volleyball. Nobody knew I was Jewish and I was determined to keep it that way. I celebrated my fifteenth birthday at...

CHAPTER FIVE: The Night We Broke Out

A shotgun was fired. Sarah and I leapt off the guys lawn from behind the bushes and ran onto the street. “Hurry the fuck up!” She was already out of breath and who knows how many rounds that guy was gonna fire. Sirens could be heard all around. We dove into a ditch on...


3 2 1 BOOM!!! We ran down the prison-like dormitory hallway, under the surveillance cameras, past the security guards,  and nearly shattered the glass doors.  We meant to be quiet, but running for dear life can be loud. We jumped over the mud and leapt behind the high...

CHAPTER EIGHT: Isolation Cabin

I woke up in the middle of a flooded basement.  The carpet on the ground reeked of mildew and had started to unravel.  The walls were painted eggshell white. Jon and Ramsey and Jake were still asleep. An unfamiliar woman in army attire sat in a chair reading a book...

CHAPTER NINE: Get The Fuck In The Car

“Greg.” Wake up. Can you hear me?” His voice was stern and curt and cut right through my sleep. My eyes opened but my sight was blurry. There was a man. “I want you to listen very carefully.” Grant-Lindsey, the headmaster kneeled over me clenching his bible. I was in...


THE FINAL CHAPTER OF PART I SOLO TIME My blindfold was taken off.   I was in the middle of some forest. Another forest. I’m always in a fuckin forest. This time I was alone. Well, Running Oak was with me, but none of the other kids were in sight. “This is where you...

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