I’m on Tinder. It’s a good pastime. I have striking conversations every now and then. I’ve only ever went out with one chick from it- wait. Two. I lied. And she was- shit. Three. I went out with Three. Two of em were ehhhh but one of them.. She was this Asian chick and boy oh boy did I get lucky.
Did she look like she did in her pics?
Nah. She looked BETTER.

Did she wanna fuck?


It was heaven. But here’s the kicker. You ready? I’m about to punt… I love to talk. Not cuddle. No touching. Just intellect. Good convo. Sex and good convo. That’s what I liked about her. We talked about real shit then went down on each other.

Now she’s in some weird country taking pictures of rivers and shit with a boyfriend.

Point is.. Tinder days are gone. Now I just browse through pics when I wanna jerk off cause most of them resemble porn. No beef with that, but don’t expect a response from the girl with no panties that’s looking to meet friends and is new to LA from Seattle and already has a billion swimsuit photo shoots and would like you to holler at her on snapchat and like her pics on Instagram.

Yeah. Just take those photos in… Accept the lie.. She ain’t new to town. She’s playing the game like she’s lived here for decades… If she’s at least a decade old that is… And enjoy your ignorance. Ignorance isn’t bliss… It’s euphoria.

Bless your ignorant soul, for I slip and fall into that same category every Thursday evening it seems.

And get off Tinder before you end up on The Chive like I did:


Is what I said even that bad?!?!


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