Tina never played sports in school.  She was always the girly girl that went to softball practice just to gossip about boys.  She was only ten years old when she asked her mom if she could wear eyeshadow to school.

All the girls are doing it mom.

And so she showed up a bit prematurely provocative, but to no harm.  Everyone simply complimented her and moved on.  The boys gave her a slight bit more attention and her best friend Jessica possibly seemed a bit more distant than usual.  Doesn’t matter, just a minor detail in the story.

Then Instagram was born.

Tina formed her first handle @TinaLovesLife on her eleventh birthday.  Throughout the next couple of years she noticed that her followers had disminished and the likes on each of her photos of pretty flowers she spotted on her walk every morning to her Missouri-set middle school had greatly fallen as well.

But I have 465 followers!  Do none of them like my pictures anymore?  I wonder how many Jessica has, that bitch.

She and Jessica had had a falling out six months prior after Jessica called Tina a slut for kissing the boy she liked after gym class.

Fuck Jessica, Tina thought.

So she looked her up in the search bar, for they were not following each other… Why would they after all…

There she is!  @JessicaOwnsYou?  That’s her fucking Instagram name?


Appalled, she proceeded to troll her photos from the last six months.  She noticed a common theme in every single one of her photos.  Her nipples were erect, and could clearly be seen through her tee shirt.  With just the start of a voluptuous body, Jessica had never worn a bra before, so why start now?

The next day Tina found Jessica, but she was wearing blue jeans and a padded bra with a wool sweater.

“Not one of your Instagram outfits, huh?” Tina said smugly to Jessica without stopping to engage in her reaction.

“Not even 500 followers, huh Tina?” Jessica promptly retorted.

Well who in the FUCK does that bitch think she is, Tina thought.  She had an idea.  She went to her Instagram, then to her settings, then hit the big ol DELETE ACCOUNT button.

She made a new email address then she went back to Instagram and signed up, only this time, under a new alias @hOttTiNaYuMM

She went to her closet and found her elementary school tee shirt and squeezed it on.  Her body was not as developed as Jessica’s, so she had to do something drastic to recapture her followers.  She would NOT have less than 500 friends any longer, at least friends were what they were in the mind of Tina.

She grabbed a scissor and shredded her tee shirt, so that her nipples could not only be vaguely seen through the shirt, but they were nearly full exposed.

She snapped her first selfie.

She went to her Facebook profile and posted “New Instagram. @hOttTiNaYuMM”.  Within an hour she had 117 followers, but 56 likes on just that one photo.

So she went back to her closet and found some high heels her mom would NEVER let her wear outside the house.  She got completely nude, except for the high heels, and snapped a photo from her waist down, so all that could be seen were her smooth legs wearing nothing but high heels.

She posted with the caption “Found some new shoes… Maybe I’ll wear them to school tomorrow ;)”

She went back to her Facebook and posted “oops! Two Instagram photos in one day? ;)”

Within days hOttTiNa had every boy in school all over her. She had over 4,500 followers and walked past Jessica with a cunt-eating grin every time they saw each other.

By the time hOttTiNa was gearing up to graduate middle school, Lucy, a new new sixth grade girl that all the boys had now switched their attention to, had an unfair amount of cleavage protruding from all of her V-neck tee shirts and a figure that resembled that of an hourglass.

hOttTiNa was furious.  OH NO!

She had lost fifteen followers.  She was down to 10,655!?!?!

She found Lucy on Instagram.  20K followers?  Twenty thousand and WHAT?!  It won’t even say? Just a fucking ‘K’ after 20?! How the FUCK did she do that??

She examined @LucyAngel’s photos.

UGH! WHAT A WHORE! Tina thought.

She was practically naked in all her photos, wearing leather choker necklaces and spiky boots.  What a fucking skank, thought to herself Tina, who no longer felt hOtt…

And so the competition dragged out… Until hOttTiNa eventually became sLuTTyTiNa and scored an endorsement from a widely known fashion company.

Now Tina doesn’t even have to pay for her own cab rides to the 18 and under club she’d grown accustomed to attending.  She had it all.

Instagram had finally given her what she’d always wanted, friends and popularity.

That is, until @LucyAngel became @FUCKMELUCY…

Pin It on Pinterest