Well when winter was coming and it was gettin cold. Lucy and I were done… I had to figure something out cause the girl I was living on the street with, her name was Flower, she got all strung out on heroin and started prostituting herself out all over the state and it was rare that i even bumped into her anymore… she was always ‘on a date’.

but really I couldn’t bare to see it one more day, so I had to get the fuck out… just wasnt sure where to go.

So I hitched a ride down to Georgia to Hidden Lake Acadmey, the place I had just run away from, because I had told my friend Christine I would find a way to come see her when she got out.

it was December of 2001.

So I’m in this shitbox car driving down to Georgia to see Christine walk the line to freedom. I was so happy to see her get out. She had just finished like a twenty month sentence or some shit.

You actually came! she blurted as she saw my deep black hair tied up in a bandana.

Of course, I told her. then immediately i begged

Yo, I got NOWHERE to go. Can I stay with you?

So she told me I could stay with her in Massachusetts in a few weeks so I bounced on over to Worcester 21 days later.

But here’s the thing, she was staying in an apartment and she had two other roommates.

Three girls in all.

She shared a room with this chick named Becky. Then there was this other girl named Jill, which is ironic as you’ll find out, cause that’s my mom’s name. But I’ll get to why that’s ironic in a sec.

So I show up outa nowhere, Christine tells her roomies that I’ll only be there a week or so, and a month later, still there, they’re wonderin how long till this fuckin kid leaves?

And I’m thinking, well,


Then one day Flower calls me on this prepaid cell phone I had bought and in a frantic gust of words says

I NEEEEDD to come see you.

So she came over to Christine’s apartment, and now she and I are BOTH in this apartment. Becky and Jill are FREAKING out. Christine knew I loved Flower, sure, but that didn’t change the fact that she was a hooker, a hooker on heroin- who looked the part, mind you.

And get this-

One day this kid named Justin comes over, he was my best friend there. I had met Justin when he came over to take Becky out on a date one day, but never actually went cause she didn’t like the look of him, which ks exactly what I thought was so cool. so yeah, I was seventeen and he was twenty-four and in a way, I was like his younger brother.

Anyway Justin came over. So now it’s me and Justin and Flower and Christine and Jill and Becky. Everyone in the building is now wondering when the FUCK this fuckin hippie kid and that hooker are gonna get the hell outa their apartment.

Now, I should tell you, I had told Justin all about Flower. He knew she was a hooker.

And I shoulda told you this earlier, but Christine and I had started dating. Actually, I lost my virginity to her, but she doesn’t know that. I’ll tell you why in a bit.

So now on top of all this mess, with Justin and Flower over and Becky and Jill flipping out… Christine and I, we’re having sex every night in the living room while Becky and Jill are trying to sleep!! They even threatened to call the cops on me once. Or twice.

But so Christine and I, on that night, when Justin and Flower were just hanging out on the couch, Christine and I, we took some painkillers and passed out.

When I woke up Flower was shrieking


Whoa. Chill. Why?

Cause I fuckin sucked his dick and he told me he was gonna pay me ya know? Cause I needed the money and so he told me that. And I did it cause I know he’s your friend and all, and he just left!

Wait… What?

So yeah. Justin copped head from the girl I was in love with, but under the umbrella of a business transaction, so I was told, and now I had to chase him down and get the fuckin money she said he owed her. Now Flower wasn’t just some girl. She was dating gangsters and had pimps and there was a whole click of peeps from Providence that I didn’t want startin any trouble over here in clean ol’ Worcester…. That’s a joke, Worcester is a shithole. Most potholes in the U.S. And most triple decker apartment units. Yup, that’s their claim to fame.

Anyway, I had to chase him down, like I said, and somehow explain to him that I needed him to pay for his blow job but HE said she offered to blow him for free or some shit… Chances are they were both lying a little bit, or a lot, but well, I can’t even explain it any more than I have.

But here’s the real kicker. Here’s why it’s ironic that Jill’s name was Jill.

Cause the reason I finally got kicked out of that place was this: Christine and I were SO tired of listening to Jill complain about us having sex in the living room, that one day, while she was gone at work, Christine and I fucked in HER room and I came all over her white sheets and wiped my dick off on her pillow case.

Yeah, don’t let mom read that.

But so she found out, flipped her lid, I had to sleep in Justin’s car that night, it was fuckin winter, and the last thing I’ll say is this. Here’s why Christine still doesn’t know I lost my virginity to her. Unless she’s reading this.

I kept askin Flower while we were in Providence on the street together why she NEVER let me fuck her? Not even a kiss! I mean she slept with the whole goddam city but she wouldn’t even let me french kiss her?

I made a big fuss about it but she just kept telling me she couldn’t cause she loved me. That’s why she couldn’t have sex with me. Cause she loved me. Bullshit if you ask me…

But that one time when she came to Worcester, she was there for two nights, when Christine went to work we finally had sex.

Christine and I had only been together a few weeks, but I felt SO guilty about it, that I told Christine. Not that I cheated on her, but I said

There’s just something I gotta get off my chest. I know I always said that Flower and I… I said that we had never had sex. But Uhhh… We did. Once. A while ago.

So you you didn’t lose your virginity to me?

I mean yeah, I HAD actually lost my virginity to her, but then i cheated on her so I had to reverse my story. Isnt that fucked up?

She and I stayed together for FIVE YEARS… and STILL, to THIS DAY, unless she’s reading this blog post, has no idea that she actually was the girl I lost my virginity to.

But… if you wanna read the most fucked up story ever, dive into Flower’s Story

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