So I’m at some really posh pool party at a joint called Skybar at the Mondrian hotel in West Hollywood and my buddy Eric Sharp is DJing and the crowd is a collection of the most sexually frustrating outfitted human beings on earth. I’m sitting down on the wooden patio with my buddy Charlie and his girlfriend staring at a girl with the most plump delicious ass I’ve ever seen and it’s tucked in all snug-like into this black playboy-looking one-piece bathing suit with holes all over it that make it too revealing for my hormones to relax.
I can’t stop staring at her. I just..
Moment of frustration
“I just wanna fuckin go down on her for an hour”, I say out load. I couldn’t help it. The words just came out.
That’s when Charlie’s girlfriend turns to me and says
“You should just walk up to her, and with James Bond confidence, look her in the eye and say ‘I just really wanna go down on you'”.
Hmmm interesting thought.
Now, I’m generally the type of dude that will go up to absolutely anyone and tell them whatever the hell is on my mind provided it’s not uncalled for, but for THIS particular dare… I wasn’t so sure I could pull it off.
She’s at some “table” with some other girl and some dude that is doin some dumb dance, slowly inching himself closer to her. But she’s behind these larger than elephant-sized sunglasses so you can’t see what the hell she’s lookin at and wiggling her beautiful boot away from him and acting utterly not interested. This guy was failing. She was like… I dunno, real intimidating.
I dunno. I’m not sure I can do this, I think to myself as I watch her turn this guy down in the most humiliating fashion possible.
My friend Charlie looks at me.
“Do it. I’ll film it.”
Hmm… I could use a great video…
So Charlie and his girlfriend walk over to where the bathrooms are, a spot with a clear view of this chick’s table, and they stake out a spot perfect to capture my adventure on video.
Now I’m sweating profusely. Nervous as fuck.
But I can’t back down now.
Without permission, my legs stand me up and alla sudden I’m walking right over to her.
There she is.
Here I am.
I whisper in her ear,
“Are you here with that dude?”
And she gives me this enthusiastic “no!” in some Eastern European accent as if she was willing to keep the conversation going. That’s when I realized if I played it cool I might actually go down on her!
But no. I came here with a mission. To tell her, quite simply, that I would just really like to go down on her.
So without hesitation, I lean even closer to her ear and deliver the most amazing line of my life.
“Good… [oh man here it comes] cause I just… REALLY wanna go down on you.”
Oh my God. I said it. Oh man.
She’s in shock.
I stare her in the eyes through my sunglasses.
Then a slow grin smiles over her face.
She nearly breaks out into laughter, but instead gives me an odd nod… As if to say “uhhh… Okayyyy…”
But by then I had been standing there for too long that I felt dumb as fuck. So I said to her,
“That’s all. Have a wonderful day.”
And I walked away.
So that’s the story of when I went up to the hottest chick I could find and told her nothing other than ‘I’d just really like to go down on you’.
Anyway, enough of this meaningless banter. Let’s get serious for a moment and talk about prostitution and arson.