WELCOME TO SHORT STORY SNIPPETS

Sometimes there’s nothing left to describe an odd slice of life other than a ‘snippet’.  Sometimes days become these really engraved memories, but after awhile, you realize it’s just another goddam snippet in the history of your brain.  Anyway- these stories range from being offensive to REALLY offensive, but if you got the stomach, eat up.  Or if you want the WHOLE shebang, here is the book version of this blog.  Aright, scroll down.

Instagram Kills Cartoon, The Story

Instagram Kills Cartoon, The Story

Tina never played sports in school.  She was always the girly girl that went to softball practice just to gossip about boys.  She was only ten years old when she asked her mom if she could wear eyeshadow to school. All the girls are doing it mom. And so she showed up...

3SUM

3SUM

Okay here's a fun story about a threesome. I was 25, she was 18. It was the SKIT SKAT Awards SHOW... a comedy festival I had produced in NYC. This was the night of the awards show where we recognized all the great sketches.. but for me... it was a different night. I...

Ex-Girlfriend

Ex-Girlfriend

Aright so I'm goin to the Bourgeois Pig in a minute to meet my ex-girlfriend and even tho it was like eight years ago that we dated it still is nevertheless my ex-girlfriend. And I gotta say... I still really wanna fuck her. And I'm not going into this teatime...

RUNAWAY TEEN, PART I

RUNAWAY TEEN, PART I

Flower picked up. GREGGY!!!!! I couldn’t believe my ears. FLOWER!!!!  WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?  WHERE’D YOU GO?!?! I’m so sorry Greggy they made me leave and I went to Switzerland and then I ran away with Kiki and then we got tickets to come back here and I’m doin it...

I Fell In Love With A Stripper In Reno But Ended Up In Jail In El Paso

I Fell In Love With A Stripper In Reno But Ended Up In Jail In El Paso

I was 25 years old and called up my friend Ryan and asked him if he knew how to use a camera. "A Camera?  Sure.  I guess.  Why?” "Okay.. We’re taking a month long trip to walk Ooli (my Doberman RIP) across the country.  It’ll be fucking hilarious.  You in?”...

Runaway Teen Part III – The Girl With Dreadie Hair

Runaway Teen Part III – The Girl With Dreadie Hair

READ PART I READ PART II The bus pulled onto a dark street at midnight, but Flower was NOWHERE to be seen. The Greyhound station was closed. I sat on a deserted street in downtown Providence.  No clue what to do. I had nowhere to sleep, I had no direction, I knew no...

Little Room For Error – Runaway Teen Part II

Little Room For Error – Runaway Teen Part II

I had to get 23 bucks for the bus ticket to providence I was tellin you about yesterday.  CUT TO Dinner table. Hey mom?  Marks wants to take me to Benihana tomorrow for a late lunch after he gets off work before my visitation is over.  Is it cool if I go with him? My...

Revenge Is A Dish Of Carrots

Revenge Is A Dish Of Carrots

So the Aussie who nearly killed me in my sleep from part one of this story, he tells me one day that if you eat twelve carrots you get a disease called Carotitus (or some shit) and you turn orange. I told him that was the dumbest thing I ever heard. He told me he knew...

I Just REALLY Wanna Go Down On You

I Just REALLY Wanna Go Down On You

So I'm at some really posh pool party at a joint called Skybar at the Mondrian hotel in West Hollywood and my buddy Eric Sharp is DJing and the crowd is a collection of the most sexually frustrating outfitted human beings on earth.  I'm sitting down on the wooden...

It Was YOU!

It Was YOU!

I had no idea what to do or where to leave my bag or if any of my belongings were safe in the room so at 10am or so I opened the door slowly, backpack on back, looked both ways before crossing the hallway to make sure that British sounding drunk dude that nearly...