Okay here’s a fun story about a threesome.

I was 25, she was 18.

It was the SKIT SKAT Awards SHOW… a comedy festival I had produced in NYC. This was the night of the awards show where we recognized all the great sketches.. but for me… it was a different night.

I had cast all these girls to be on-air personalities and then hired a camera crew and told everyone to show up at the club in Times Square where we were hosting the awards. We even had a digital billboard on 42nd street…

SKIT SKAT n757260106_3293329_6139 n757260106_3293330_6414

So yeah, the club was full of hot chicks.

I see a redhead.. man i love those redheads, so i see this redhead. well, actually, she was right in front of me. So of course I saw her.

So are you here with your boyfriend?

I’m here with my girlfriend, she replies.

Oh, so ur a lesbian.

I’m bi.

We should have a threesome, I suggest casually.

She looks me up and down…

I might be into that, but i’d have to ask my girlfriend.

Well go ahead, ask, where is she? is she here?

She’s right there.

And there she was, a brunette… what a lovely couple.

Well go ask her!

So she goes up to her gf and I’m staring at the two talk from across the room and all I see is a pair of whispers. then she comes back. the redhead.

Yeah. She’s into it. but we’re not ready to leave yet, as she sips her wine. or something. she was sipping something. I remember everyone was sipping something cause i had been promised a certain amount of free drinks for the girls and cast but the bartender told me that wasn’t the deal and I just handed him my Amex and told him to put everything on my tab. cause i’m a fuckin idiot. and I was selling mad pot.

Anyway,

Yeah, she’s into it, but we’re not ready to leave yet.

HA! Leave? Nah, me neither! Shit I’m running the event!–It was 2AM— just come and get me when you’re ready!

holy shit.

was this really gonna happen?

CUT TO 4AM

Everyone is starting to leave. I grab the entire PA system that I had rented, a bunch of speakers and amps and shit and I grab the redhead and said

LET’S GO!

She seemed a bit more hesitant than she had been two hours ago… i got nervous. so i rushed out into the middle of the street and got us a cab ASAP

We all got in.

Hey! I’m Greg. I said to the redheads gf.

Hi, I’m $%#$@^@%$&@#

35th and third please!!! I yelled to the cabbie who was one foot away from me. SUBTEXT: HURRY YOU MOTHERFuCK BEFORE THEY CHANGE THEIR MIND!!!!!!

CUT TO MY FRONT DOOR

I open the glass door with my key while I got all these speakers and shit in my hands and nearly drop everything. Then it was a four flight story walk up to my apt door.

What fucking floor are you on?– no wait, I don’t think she cursed. She was polite. She asked what floor I was on, the redhead, on like the second flight.

NExt one!

That was a lie. I was on the fourth floor… but I had to keep the momentum going.

We walk in my studio apartment, my bed is a mattress on the floor in the corner of the room. The redhead looks at the brunette, the brunette at redhead…

we have to go to the bathroom, they say.

Sure! right there!

and they both went into my tiny ass bathroom. wtf were they doin in there? Shit. shit. shit. I was nervous this wasn’t gonna work. then… they came back out. no toilet flushing, nothing, just walked out.

the redhead says

#$#$^%#$^^ isn’t feeling good.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

kidding I didn’t say that. What I said was

Hmmm… that’s too bad. Well, we don’t have to do this.

Now pay attention here… this gets tricky slash manipulative slash awesome.

So I kept going…

We don’t have to do this, BUT, you also don’t HAVE to just run out. I mean sit down, it was a long night. relax, I’ll get you a glass of water.

So I get a glass of water and the brunette sits in this weird chair I got that kinda sloops to the floor and the redhead stands and stares at me and waits.

You know what? I said. You should give your girl a massage. Here,

and I motion for the redhead to sit on my bed.

She sits down.

And you, come… I said to the brunette. This’ll make you feel much better.

So I position the brunette in between the redhead’s legs and get the redhead to start rubbing her gf’s shoulders and back.

You know what? I know we’re not having sex or anything, but… like…. we should just lay down for a second.

So I lay down on my bed.

Come! Lay next to me at LEAST

So the redhead lays next to me and the brunette lays next to her. I’m on the end.

Okay look, I’ll be honest. If I told my friends that I had two hot 18-year old lesbians in my apartment in my bed and I wasn’t even lying between them, I’ll get made fun of forever. Lemme just at least get in the middle. Cool?

So they give me the thumbs up, but with caution.

Now we are all lying down in my bed and I am in the middle.

Kiss her. I say. I said that to the redhead. Kiss her and make her feel better.

She looks at me like I’m an idiot if I think she’s falling for that.

What?! I said innocently. It’s just a kiss!

So she leans over and kisses her. The brunette kisses back. and then…

They start making out.

I interrupt them and kiss each of them on the lips.

then they sit up, both of them, and in one single swoop, the redhead swiftly pulls the brunette’s dress up off her and now the brunette is in her underwear.

The redhead raises her hands as if to say “okay gf, now undress me”

and she did! the brunette grabbed the redhead’s dress from the bottom of her skirt and yanked it up over her gf’s shoulders and now the redhead is only in her thong. she wasn’t wearing a bra i don’t think, but i could be wrong about that.

Then, at the same time, these two girls, and I’m sure they will read this cause we’re all still FB friends, these two girls… both at once, they go down on me.

They BOTH just start blowing me as if to say “aaahhhh to hell ‘not feeling well’, LETS FUCK!

Now… without getting too detailed… I’ll just cut to the part where they are both laying stomach to stomach.

Boom, in one.
Boom, in the other.
Boom, in one.
Boom, in the other.

Then I came. After about 45 mins. It was about 6AMish by then and I got up and threw my condom on the floor like a nasty ass dude and went to the kitchen sink and put my mouth under the faucet and gulped down as much water as I could. I was sweating like crazy.

Then came the best part.

I turned around and they were both still in bed making out fingering each other having sex and completely amazing.

Then… they left my apartment and took a bus back to Jersey. They lived together. these two amazing eighteen year old lesbians lived together. in jersey.

Now… I can’t remember if I offered them cab money, at the time money wasn’t an issue and I wasn’t really stingy ever… in fact i gave way too much of my money away. to like, everyone. So I don’t recall why they took a bus, but prolly cause it was way easier to just take the PATH train across the river then hop on a bus… but anyway,

It was the performance of a lifetime.

It was my only REAL threesome I ever had except for the time me and my homie both fucked the girl from THE MILK STORY on Valentine’s Day… but that’s another story.

Now… I wrote this cause I doubt that will EVER happen ever again, and I wanna saver that memory like the everlasting gobstopper.

But I’ll tell you this: the first thought I had after they walked outta my apartment was this:

I can die now a happy man.

and to the redhead and brunette whom I assume will see these words at some point… I just wanna tell you:  Best sex ever (for me at least) 😉  So… yeah, THANK YOU!

and let’s do it again sometime soon.

xoxo

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