WELCOME TO STORIES ABOUT FUNNY SHIT
Yo I dunno how else to say this to you, but this is some pretty funny shit. Most of these stories are at my expense, some are from my book… but I’d gently caress you elsewhere if you don’t have a sense of humor about this twisted life existence.
How I dislocated my shoulder
I dislocated my shoulder cause of Jerry. It happened outside Nassau Community College. I had just moved back home to Long Island from Boulder, Colorado. I was twenty years old. I signed up for acting classes and so that’s why I was at the college. One day, outside the...
Should I Take The Mussels? | Funny Tinder Stories
One of My Many Tinder Stories... I'm on the phone with some chick I met on Tinder. At some point of our conversation, she tells me that one time, some dude came on her hair at a nightclub 'at the speed of cum'. I don't know what that meant, but I knew what had to be...
You Know When You’re Embarrassed To Be Reading The Book You’re Reading?
You know when you're embarrassed to be reading the book you're reading so everywhere you go you try to hide the cover? Or if it's a hardcover you take off the slip and you don’t throw it away cause it cost you money so instead you hide it in your room in your drawer...
Ex-Girlfriend
Aright so I'm goin to the Bourgeois Pig in a minute to meet my ex-girlfriend and even tho it was like eight years ago that we dated it still is nevertheless my ex-girlfriend. And I gotta say... I still really wanna fuck her. And I'm not going into this teatime...
Today I Was Bored So
So I just photoshopped my latest parking ticket and rearranged some of the letters and numbers to make it an official unofficial "How Do You Like YOUR Scrambled Gregs" parking ticket and I'm currently at Staples on Sunset and Wilcox after I ordered a hundred pages,...
I Just REALLY Wanna Go Down On You
So I'm at some really posh pool party at a joint called Skybar at the Mondrian hotel in West Hollywood and my buddy Eric Sharp is DJing and the crowd is a collection of the most sexually frustrating outfitted human beings on earth. I'm sitting down on the wooden...
ENFP Personality Story: They Told Me I Was A Farmer
So I took this personality test yesterday, and it says I’d be a great farmer or park ranger... It says I’m logically retarded. It says that I would be a great actor, writer, journalist, graphic designer, web designer, psychologist, speech pathologist, interpreter,...
The Day I Gave Ryan Gosling My Autograph
So Ryan Gosling is sitting next to me at the Dresden, a 1950’s styled piano bar in LA, with a group of friends enjoying some cocktails and famous conversation. Some chick walks up to his table, mid-adjective, and stands there hovering over he and his friend, who seem...