Finding Chemistry in Relationships
When I first met my fiance on this sober rafting trip by the Delaware river and she was wearing these leggings with Koolaid-like red hair, I was certain she was just my type: trashy and sober. But after a few dates I realized she wasn’t the whore I was hoping for and thought the chemistry was just off. Turns out chemistry in relationships isn’t always what it appears to be.
I wasn’t even sure what I wanted to be honest, other than a girl to meet my pornhub fantasies that would also treat me with respect and listen to all my insane ideas and completely understand my past. But what else might I be searching for? So I made a list of all the characteristics a perfect partner would have. Trusting, honest, caring, hippie-ish, big ass, good sex, no children, sober, good family, skanky piercings to give me the illusion of trashiness, colored hair, tight pants… I made a big list of shit then realized that she had all the qualities I’d been lookin for my whole life. Just cause I don’t look at her and immediately need to jerk off because she’s wearin a see-through cocktail dress in public doesn’t mean there’s no chemistry in the relationship.
So, I asked her on a third date, cause on the first two it was before I had this realization and I was still hoping for trash but being delivered quality.
When I showed up to our first date. I wasn’t sure she’d remember me cause it’d been like six months since we met on that rafting trip and we’d been communicating through Facebook messenger while I was roaming around South America. It took me that long of asking every sober friend I had that was on that trip if they knew how to find the “trashy girl with red hair in tight leggings named Darby.” Turns out her name wasn’t Darby. It was Daryl. A friend sent me her Facebook and I friended her in Peru and that’s when we began talking.
I was so sure there’d be the chemistry that I asked her out on Valentine’s Day for our first date and flew back to New York from Medellin, Colombia to take her out. When I showed up to the restaurant in Brooklyn we were meeting at, I saw her waving at me from through the window.
That never happened to me, ever. I fell in half-love right there, walked her home in the rain, asked for a kiss, then told myself she wasn’t trashy enough. Then had these thoughts that I’m writing about now and gave it another shot. Almost three years later we’re getting married. But I may never have been able to spot the chemistry in our relationship without making a list of the periodic elements I was looking for.
Chemistry in Dating
But chemistry in dating is a totally different mixture of elements and I think they’re super fuckin confusing and really led me down the wrong path for fuckin years. Cause it’s like… What makes a good date is usually shit that’ll never make for a good partner, at least not in my span of three hundred dates or whatever. Like that chick from Comedy Central…
So yeah, I met this chick who worked high up at Comedy Central on Tinder or Bumble or one of those fuckin apps. On paper she looked fantastic, and that’s usually the problem I run into. Her tits were fake (which is awesome), her ass was huge (another check), and she told me she slept with guys in LA whenever she traveled for work.
Oh yeah? Dudes you know?
No, just, guys. But most of them of dumb.
So why do you fuck em?
Well, I like the way they look.
How do they look?
I don’t know… Tall.
So I mean that typa shit turns me on for whatever reason, maybe cause it’s a tell-tale sign this will never work, I mean I’m 5’9”. Maybe I’m addicted to shit that breaks and gives me massive anxiety. Maybe it’s a challenge. Is dating just a challenge? Is that why it doesn’t work? I mean, I’d never be with this chick for more than a few dates, and I knew that. The fact she banged tall dudes in LA whenever she traveled didn’t exactly make me feel like I met “the one.”
I kept wondering if she’d blow some tall guy in her hotel room. I could see the knock on the door. I hadn’t even finished our first date and already I was imagining her cheating on me with guys I couldn’t compete with. Anyway, unhealthy shit like that turns me on, but only for a short while. So, there was def chemistry, but the kinda chemistry that might explode if you add even a droplet of the wrong ingredient.
And I saw that red flag immediately. Within seconds of our first date when we went to that beer garden in Brooklyn and I asked her what she wanted to drink then she asked me what I was having to drink and I told her I didn’t drink, she just said:
Oh, that’s fun…
So in the back of my head throughout our two-date compilation, I’m thinkin, this chick likes tall guys that drink. I’m average height and sober. But I wanted to fuck her so bad. Short-term pleasure-seeking. That sums up chemistry in dating for me now that I think of it. But that only makes it worse…
For instance I hit her up later that week after the shitty beer garden date and said: Want me to come over?
She was like I dunno, I think I’ve been drinking too much for you.
I don’t mind.
Okay come over.
So I sped my Subaru to Crown Heights.
I got there and she was coked up as fuck and drunk. That made me even more horny cause she was now officially extremely not for me. But then when I tried to fuck her I couldn’t get hard cause I was so nervous. There was nothing about this girl that was comforting. I prayed she was drunk enough that she wouldn’t recall anything that happened the next morning. Plus, the chemistry in dating usually fizzles out right after first-time sex, am I right? Well, not always. But one thing is for sure: if there’s only chemistry in dating it means the sex is embarrassing and I would never introduce them to any of my friends. They’re temporary companions that don’t give shit about my life, just a brief fix.
Intense Sexual Chemistry
Any chick I have intense sexual chemistry with usually ends in emotional despair. Like this one time I was walkin around Hollywood Blvd with this chick I met at some sober event. We didn’t really know each other but decided to roam around the outdoor mall together and act like tourists for the day. That sorta thing happens a lot in LA. Los Angeles is a hard city to make real friends, but an easy city to meet celebrities and enjoy meaningless sexual encounters.
her phone buzzed while we were eating frozen yogurt. It was a text from someone saved in her phone as “Steve SLAA…” I knew what SLAA stood for (sex and love addiction anonymous). This chick goes to SLAA? Oh man. That means one thing… this chick LOVES to fuck. I told her to come back to my apartment on Detroit and La Brea.
We make out in my room. My roommate Carla shared a wall with me, so I tried to keep the volume down. I could feel the sexual tension building to an unhealthy place. I tried out different things while I kissed her, like slapping her ass, lightly choking her, and smacking her in the face a bit. Ding ding ding! That was the spot.
She lets out a huge moan to let me know she likes it. I chuck her on my bed and cum all over her stomach and we rinse off the dirty talk as if it never happened.
A year later I bumped into her again on Hollywood Blvd outside LA Fitness. I ask her how her dance is going. She’s a dancer, like modern dance or whatever. She showed me a YouTube video or whatever type of video she recorded of her last dance.
It looks like, uhh… It reminds me of like, I guess… us having sex. A little bit. It’s very sexual.
Yeah. That’s what it is. That day was my inspiration.
Whoa, this girl is nuts.
Wanna come back to my apartment and catch up?
No, I can’t. I’m… I have 30 days.
Oh, okay. Yeah. Can I walk you to your car?
No, I’m okay. I shouldn’t.
She was basically saying get away from me before I blow my emotional sobriety once again with intense sex I’ll regret ten minutes later.
Once I figured out what I wanted and ignored the chemistry, I could see clearly, but any time chemistry is all there was, there was no real thought behind it. Chemistry won’t bring me the necessary elements my future requires. As soon as I understood the concoction that I wanted for my future, I could see through the chemistry. But chemistry seems to only please the present and cloud the future.
I guess the moral of this story is: Chemistry in relationships equals good for now, bad for later. Focus on the characteristics that will give you a healthy lifestyle and ignore the transient emotions that’ll dissipate in a few moments anyway.