WELCOME TO STORIES ABOUT FUNNY SHIT

Yo I dunno how else to say this to you, but this is some pretty funny shit.  Most of these stories are at my expense, some are from my book… but I’d gently caress you elsewhere if you don’t have a sense of humor about this twisted life existence.

Should I Take The Mussels? | Funny Tinder Stories

Should I Take The Mussels? | Funny Tinder Stories

One of My Many Tinder Stories... I'm on the phone with some chick I met on Tinder. At some point of our conversation, she tells me that one time, some dude came on her hair at a nightclub 'at the speed of cum'. I don't know what that meant, but I knew what had to be...

Ex-Girlfriend

Ex-Girlfriend

Aright so I'm goin to the Bourgeois Pig in a minute to meet my ex-girlfriend and even tho it was like eight years ago that we dated it still is nevertheless my ex-girlfriend. And I gotta say... I still really wanna fuck her. And I'm not going into this teatime...

Today I Was Bored So

Today I Was Bored So

So I just photoshopped my latest parking ticket and rearranged some of the letters and numbers to make it an official unofficial "How Do You Like YOUR Scrambled Gregs" parking ticket and I'm currently at Staples on Sunset and Wilcox after I ordered a hundred pages,...

I Just REALLY Wanna Go Down On You

I Just REALLY Wanna Go Down On You

So I'm at some really posh pool party at a joint called Skybar at the Mondrian hotel in West Hollywood and my buddy Eric Sharp is DJing and the crowd is a collection of the most sexually frustrating outfitted human beings on earth.  I'm sitting down on the wooden...

ENFP Personality Story: They Told Me I Was A Farmer

ENFP Personality Story: They Told Me I Was A Farmer

So I took this personality test yesterday, and it says I’d be a great farmer or park ranger... It says I’m logically retarded. It says that I would be a great actor, writer, journalist, graphic designer, web designer, psychologist, speech pathologist, interpreter,...

The Day I Gave Ryan Gosling My Autograph

The Day I Gave Ryan Gosling My Autograph

So Ryan Gosling is sitting next to me at the Dresden, a 1950’s styled piano bar in LA, with a group of friends enjoying some cocktails and famous conversation. Some chick walks up to his table, mid-adjective, and stands there hovering over he and his friend, who seem...

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