Scrambled Gregs: Funny Short Stories About Life
I write about my life. Some people like that shit. My question to you… Do you ever get REALLY fuckin bored? Great news. I made a welcome kit thingy for ya. It’ll soothe your soul.
Most Recent Posts
These are the most recent posts, but you may wanna scroll a bit further down to view all the genres. Sometimes I go on a binge about how to do shit and only write about that for a month, then other times I only write about sex or illegal activities. Sometimes I write about being sober. I write about all sortsa shit so the point of this blurb is to let you know that while the most recent posts are the most recent, they in no way reflect what this site has to offer. This site is a mish-mash of enormous proportions. So, pick and choose as you will…
(2016) I Hate My Boss So I Think I’ll Kill Him
It was 2016. I was thinkin... I hate my boss. He really is a piece of shit. He was this interior designer agent, a real scumbag. I’ll do one more day then ask for more money so he’ll fire me. No way this dipshit can keep affording to give me raises. I already asked...
Feeling lonely in a relationship with so many people
She was with me when I got my wisdom teeth pulled and drove me back to her apartment. She loves me. She would never do this if she didn’t. Then she cooked us pancakes at her apartment while my mouth was full of cotton and I recorded it on my phone before it was cool...
Body Language Attraction Alert
I was watching reruns of America’s Next Top model this weekend and looking at all the models and hating on some and loving on others, but realized they are good at one thing: body language. They pose in this way that drips attraction. At first I didn’t see it, I...
Once in a Lifetime Experience Again and Again
I remember when I was sitting in Robyn’s office. She was my manager when I was trying to break out as an actor in my early twenties. I remember sitting on her couch in her office waiting to meet her boss thinking: this shit will only happen once. Make it count. I used...
How Do I Change My GODDAM LIFE?!
If I want to change my life, I do something HUGE… and it always works. That’s my secret: Do something fuckin huge that’s in the direction of where I wanna be. Sometimes I wake up and realize I’ve fallen off track, or I’ve spent too much time in one place. Like the...
How to Meet People in a New City
I’ve moved to many different cities and the first thing I do is head to the cafe. That’s my starting point. There’s no right way for how to meet people in a new city, but you can increase the odds of getting off to a non-lonely start. The cafe as a starting point...
Boundaries in Relationships – A Story About My Personal Assistant…
I used to fuck a chick named Mimi. That’s not her real name. I knew her cause in sixth grade I made out with her older sister at a house party I was having at my parent’s house, and then twenty years later I was smoking a joint in someone’s car outside of the Nassau...
How to Get Over the Fear of Death Big Lebowski Style
This summer I saw Howard Stern’s new book, Howard Stern Comes Again, on my mother-in-law’s table in the Hamptons. It was a nice day out and everyone was by the pool. I never read much mind-mush, and nearly always surround myself with philosophy and psychology and...
Learning a Foreign Language Scrambled Gregs Style
Learning a foreign language is like unlocking your girlfriend’s iPhone. You just gotta go for it. If the numbers work, you cracked the code. If not, she’ll be notified by Apple that you’re an insecure crazy person who needed to know if Craig was just a friend, or if...
I Used to Wonder… Am I a Failure in Life?
If my life isn’t where I want it to be at 27, I’ll do something drastic. If I still feel like I’m a failure in life by then, I’ll get rid of my worst habit. All through my twenties I told myself that. Then my 27th birthday was approaching and I freaked out. I looked...
The Drifter Chronicles
This is my three-volume memoir about my fucked up life and how I managed to salvage my future. Rated R. Completely profane. Limited plot. Reader beware. Only buy if you can stomach a sad tale told with teenage angst and a tinge of dark humor.
Buy Vol. 1 on Amazon…
Buy Vol. 2 on Amazon…
Buy Vol. 3 on Amazon…
Blog Posts & Short Stories
I write about all sortsa shit: travel, sex, insecurity, public humiliation, childhood trauma, illegal shit I’ve done in the past, getting sober, and interesting encounters with inspiring (or damaging) people in unlikely circumstances. You can choose your own adventure below by genre.
Dirty Sex Stories
I love sex and I love writing about it. Some of the sexual experiences I’ve had were totally inappropriate, while others were absolutely called for. Sometimes I’m a dick, sometimes I get dicked (not literally). Anyway, if you’re horny and want something to rev your ovaries, check out some of these stories…
Crazy-Ass Relationships
Moving on to some crazy-ass relationships… many of these stories are incredibly twisted. I would go so far as to say there’s some pretty fucked up shit in this category… but nevertheless, sometimes unhealthy relationships form and ya just gotta eat ’em up. If you wanna read some raw shit, feast up.
Fucked Up Shit
Yo some shit is just really fucked up, and there’s no other way to describe these stories than simply being about: fucked up shit. So, if you wanna read some disturbing tales of my youth, early adolescence, and even a couple things I did yesterday, just read on…
Being Homeless
Yeah so I was a sixteen-year-old homeless hippie vagabond fuck when I was younger and that’s where a lot of foundation was laid… So, if you wanna know what it’s like digging through the trash to get a Whopper on 9/11 when you’re an (ex)vegetarian beatnik, these stories are for you…
Travel
Did I mention I have the Guinness World Record for longest road trip? That’s a humble-not-so-humble brag. Yeah, but before I was a world-famous roadtripper I was hitchhiking the country, hopping Greyhound buses, and squatting at hostels all over. Here are some crazy travel stories for ya…
Illegal Activities
So uhh… Yeah, I mean, I’m totally legit now… but there was a time when no rules were followed and I had to do what was necessary. Whatever. It was fun I guess, till it got seriously bad…
Life Questions
I know what you’re thinking. You wanna know the meaning of life. Well, that’s good, cause I’ve come up with an answer for you… The meaning of life is to massage the souls of as many strangers as possible. Thus, this section of blog posts, made to massage your soul, today.
Vagabonding
Wanna know how to vagabond the world and sleep with strangers in hostel bathrooms while still making sure you visit old town Toledo before you leave Spain? Well, that’s what this section is all about: how to vagabond (not travel), how to experience (not vacation).
PREMIUM SHIT
Some posts are for everyone, and some posts are for the hungry-as-fuck. If you’d like to go a bit deeper and read shit that’s not just entertaining, but might actually change your mood, give you some insight, or help you feel less alone, this is where you belong.
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How It All Started
This blog is based off of many fucked up experiences, some pretty, some not so nice. But if you wanna know how it all started, try reading Chapter Zero below…